Dearest blog,

I know it has been a long, long time. Please, stop the hate, I know its all an act. It's just really hard to get into the habit of writing all the time. Especially seeing as I am sooooo lazy! Anyhow, here is my current bitchfest:

V brings in the many, many chocolates that had been showered on her kids (wayyy too much for a 2 & 4 year old!), so I took a Kinder large egg chocolate. There is also a large egg, with a hockey Stanley cup inside. R grabbed it and acted all sneaky-like. I said that I was the bigger hockey fan, that I wanted the toy! (yes, I know, still a kid). Anyway, R gave it to me, but I didn't want the chocolate. It happened to be a NY Rangers cup, so I told R that he could have it, which seemed to make him happy. Now, to get this toy, I had to open the chocolate, but each half was already separated, each in a plastic shell. I never came into contact with it.

This is where it goes to shit. I just put the wrapping back up, chocolate being just fine and edible. V throws a fit. And says "but who wants that now" and I said that I had been trying to find someone to eat the chocolate, nothing wrong with it. This goes on and on, R gives me the same low-down. Oh and V sees the Kinder on my desk – "you took two, that’s not right. No one is going to want that…blah-bla-blah-bla-blah!"

So I put the damn thing (Kinder) back on the middle counter. My opinion: such fucking hypocrites! If I had a box of chocolates, opened, and maybe even a week or more old, they wouldn’t hesitate to take a chocolate, even with the likelihood of them being touched! I know this because every year we get chocolates at Xmas, no one ever has a problem from picking from a box that has been touched over and over again by many, many different hands! Like what the flying fuck you morons.

Phew, nice rant *pats self on back*

It's been a long time - here's an extra long rant to make up for it.

There are a couple topics that get my blood boiling in an instant. They mainly revolve around animal issues. No, I am not a vegetarian or a vegan, never have claimed to be and do not hide the fact. I like my meat. Anyways, that's besides the point I am about to make.

Two topics of hot debate for me are spaying/neutering your pet or breeding it and extremely uneducated pet ownership.

Topic one. Unless you are about to embark on an 20 to 50 year project of preserving and bettering of a specific breed, GET YOUR GODDAMN PET FIXED! "Oh, but I want her to have at least one litter. I want to see what her puppies would be like!" Go look on animal shelter websites and kijiji.ca. I'm sure any one of those lonely faces could potentially look like an offspring from your mutt, mixed with another mutt. That might have horrible hips, or heart or eyes, ears, etc. Also, you are in a goddamn large city. To say that there are hundreds of pets already looking for homes is an understatement. Every home that would take a puppy from you is a spot of love and comfort lost for another dog. And chances are that Person A that you sold Puppy #2 to will probably abandon it, after discovering "having a puppy is hard work." Or "I just don't have the time" or "they are too expensive" blah blah blah blah…

Also, stop trying to sell your backyard puppies for $1000! What the fuck is wrong with you people!!! Most said expensive dogs aren’t even purebred! Nor come from good lines with good genes and disposition! Also – a "Morkie" is NOT breed of dog. Fucksakes people.

Topic two. To say that I cannot stand ignorant or blatantly oblivious pet ownership is also an understatement.

Example. Person B gets a dog, a husky, about 2 years ago. A dog that he still has no clue about. Knows zero about pet ownership and the like. For anyone that knows anything about dogs, you know that Husky's are one of the most notorious breeds to try and train and house. They are working dogs. Through and through. They always will be. They are strong, thick-headed, stubborn and dominant. They have a lot of energy, physically and mentally, that requires to be burned off constantly. The list can go on and on and on.

Person B pretty much hasn’t trained Husky at all. Has no control over her and its completely obvious. Before it was just annoying. I have NEVER witnessed him walking the dog. They dog walks/runs him. Always. Now, now it’s a danger. A couple of weeks ago after not seeing Person B and Husky for quite some time (they live about 10 houses away), we run into them. Actually he runs into us as we are stopped talking to a nice owner and her dog and are not too far from the front yard of Person B.

Husky does her pulling thing, whipping the leash right out of Person B's hand. Everything is proceeding as it has many, many times prior. Then Husky wants to mount my dog. My dog, she don't put up with bullshit puppies (Yes, I know Husky 2+ but she still runs on a young dog/puppy mentality). My dog is on the ground, probably from trying to play with Husky. Husky has no concept of actual "play" (way to go douche bag Person B). Husky moves herself over my dog, and starts her growling and sideways stare. My dog instantly thinks, "Fuck you, if you think you are going to pull this shit." I immediately see what's happening and what will come next if no one intervenes. Person B all the while? "*Husky*, *Husky*, what are you doing?" (in a monotone voice, quiet). I on the other hand don’t waste any time talking to the dog like she's going to turn and give me a verbal word answer. I get between (carefully and strategically, never try a dangerous stunt if you are unaware of what you are doing) and actually speak to my dog while placing myself as the dominant to Husky. My dog responds to me (of course, because not only have I trained her well, she also trusts me and trusts my judgement). I get them apart. I should mention that my dog is off-lead all this time. She's trained, remember?

So I'm beginning to cold-shoulder Person B and his dumbass dumbfoundedness. (Yes, I know, not a real word), When another neighbourhood doggy arrives on the scene, we have meet Westie (terrier breed, not his actual name) a couple of times and are familiar with him and his owners. After a short period of time, and because Person B doesn’t hold back Husky and allows her to drag him wherever, Husky gets close to the other dog and begins a dog fight. Yup. Even though Husky is at one end of the leash and Person B is still holding (not recalling) the leash in his hand, I step up, grab the leash nearer to Husky and yank backwards, loudly proclaiming "NO!" (lets not forget Husky is pretty much zero-trained), Husky whips her head and growls and makes a movement like she's about to bite me. I do NOT tolerate that behaviour. Period. Another yank, another "NO!" and I am glaring down and not moving ANYWHERE, showing no sign of backing away. Husky (because they ARE smart dogs) recognizes this and stops. BAM! Another crisis averted. Because of me. NOT the owner of the obviously increasingly, aggressive dog.

Me: You HAVE to hold her back! She is trying to attack.

Person B: Ugh… But why is she doing this?

Me: Is she fixed?

Person B: No.

Me: There you go. Female, unfixed Husky. Strong-willed and thick-headed, untrained. Near her home. Those are all ingredients for a recipe for disaster!

Person B is still babbling on about incoherent things. I just tell him to keep her in. Don't let her free range of movement. Then I block him out. Then I have to leave because if I don’t I know I will start to say things that could potentially be mean.

We ran into (briefly) Person B and Husky just Monday evening. I avoided him completely. I know that if conversation were to be initiated it would be trouble. For Person B. I am not a very tolerate person when it comes to dogs and aggression. I make my exit lickity-split!

This is an ongoing story, I am sure. Stay tuned…

Hiatus

I took a longer hiatus than expected. Yes, I know its nothing massive. But I wanted to be pretty consistant on here. Problem was, I had nothing to say. Weird, I know. haha. But life has just been the same shit, every day. Wake up, grudgingly head into work. Somehow make it through work without killing anyone. Head home extremely anxiety riddled. Eat, maybe exercise, sleep. Fucksakes, I hate when thats all my existence is. I have been doing a lot of soul-searching, talking and thinking.

Couple of things that I may touch upon in this post: pot (weed, Mary J, whatever), Mexican Party night, and headaches WITH anxiety.

I have been having a LOT of headaches recently. And heartburn. Mostly because of the tic connected with the anxiety, and I have broken out like a pubescent teen. On my face, and shoulders. Also mostly stress related. I fucking hate it. Its also bringing down my self-esteem. I think I look ugly, so I feel ugly.

I have generally had one view on pot in the past couple of years. I don't see the point in it. REALLY don't see why people would waste so much money on it (yes, I used to smoke cigarettes and paid money for that, but in comparision, its a LOT cheaper than weed), and it was one of the major problems in my extemely failed, and doomed past relationship. Which last 3 years. 3 Fucking Wonderful Years of Hell. So I have, on very few occasions, tried it. Kinda see what the hype is about.
Now first let me just point out that the first time I had ever smoked Weed was unbeknownst by me, and cunningly known by my ex-fucking-liar boyfriend. (I'm not bitter, honest!)

So anyhow, I have tried it a couple times since. I do not have good reactions. Plain and simple. Fuck you morons who says that I am not. Are you in my fucking head? In my fucking body? No. Go sit on an electric pole. So last time I tripped. In my way anyhow. And I hated it. Fuck that. No more. I. Don't. Care. I don't even want to smell it. And don't show up thinking you can smoke sessions with me.

Now, last night was a neighbourhood party, hosted by the most amazing person. She is definitely the hostess with the mostest. There was amazing food. Amazing (homemade!) desserts, and a pinata!!!! That I got to hit! Although this muthafucka was solid like a rock! I ended up breaking some of the things inside it and not the actual pinata! haha Including hitting it off the string and onto the ground!

But it was fun. I did have a good time. And I tihnk I have resolved that I do not wish to smoke again. Although I have been having the cravings (especially at work, just to get away I think). But I dont want to stink again. Or not have money.

Sigh. Hmm, did I actually have enough to fill a post? Interesting.
So I guess I shall go now, enjoy the remnants of the headache. Maybe go to sleep? That would be wise. Got the doctor appointment of Hell tomorrow. Should be an instant morning headache just trying to talk to the fucking 'tard. See if he can finish telling me whatever his thought is within maybe 5 to 10 minutes as oppose to 30 minutes?

Ta-ta until then.

(Unwillingly) Born-Again Virgin

I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will probably never get laid again.

Pretty powerful statement, but for whatever reason, it just doesn't seem to be in the cards. And believe me when I say that it is NOT for a lack of trying. Over a year now, OVER! I feel like decking any of my friends who sidle up to me (or text):

"Man, I totally need to get some. Its been so long"

"Ugh, I am going crazy. Need to get laid"

"I cant believe how long it has been!"

All this in reference to a couple months of dryness. A COUPLE OF MONTHS. How about all of you go fuck yourselves! Oh, and when I respond accordingly, "Yea, boo-fucking-hoo. Call me when its been over a year.", I get the response:

"Aww Hun! How do you do it?"

Like its some fucking choice? An allergic reaction to something that I must sustain from? Are you all fucking retarded? Do you THINK I like it this way??

I have had drunk moments, sweet moments, sensual moments. Any lead to some major whoopee for me? Not a chance. Am I that repulsive? Years ago, I couldn’t turn around without an opportunity hitting me in the face (sometimes a little too literally)…What has happened to me? Is the only way to get some to be completely slutty and have no self-respect for oneself?

*sigh* So, I have been feeling like a Born-Again Virgin. Yup. *shudder*

No. I am not religious in any fashion. I have not suddenly discovered a renewed friendship/following/cult-like adoration in a deity. Far from it, actually. But, with going so long, things MUST have gotten, ahem, tighter? I am probably tighter than a naïve 12 year old schoolgirl! (Think Madeline, sweet little french schoolgirl, always up to some silly antics. I am telling you, this chick probably grew up to be into some sick shit. S&M being mild!)

Hmm. Maybe this will just mean that when I do finally get it, it should feel fucking amazing, right?? Oh, and all you small dickers, you need not apply. I am yearning pretty badly, but not desperately!

Thank you. Have a nice day.

I am going to Hell...

I have multiple mosquito bites, little fuckers.  That's what I get, I guess, from walking through a ravine in warm weather. But I digress. That is not why I am going to Hell.

I have to start with the fact that half a block away, lives a young man, that for all intensive purpose, we shall call him Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint, until I can think up of a much more cleaver name for him! He really never gets the hint/signal/clue that people pop out at him left, right and center! He constantly over steps your threshold of comfort. Constantly.

So today, while my momma and I took Chloe on her evening walk, we stopped at a house just a street over that has a young pup (year old) named Max. We like Max, Chloe likes Max, Max likes us. Max's people like us and we them. Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint shows up with his dog. Not trained dog at that. That's besides the point. Mom and I instantly cringe as he approached. So we stayed and chatted (with Max's parents) and then, when I could see his dog intently focused on Max, I took my chance.
Me: "Oh, guess we outta head on out for our walk!"
Mom: "Ya, we better go..."
Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint: "Ok, we'll (him & his untrained dog) catch up."
Mom: (Under her braethe)"I don't think so!"
And then we proceeded to powerwalk and try our very very very best to make sure he wasn't following us!!! And then we proceeded to talk about him, all through the walk. Even worried we might run into him on our way back! We actually pondered the best route to take to avoid running into him!

It wasn't until we were a few houses away from home when I made the statement. After every corner, every street, we checked, and creeped...oh god.

"We are SO going to Hell!"

And he is waiting for me

:( Yup, I am not perfect. Never have claimed to be. But I do try to be a tolerant person. Have friends of different race, religion, interests! And Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint is nice, has good intentions, which is probably why I feel the occasionally twinge of guilt. But let's face the facts, I will still try and do the duck-and-hide next time round he comes into view!

So, I hope that seat in Hell is nice and warm for me...

Marble to Glass, Not All that Fast!

The building of my workplace is getting a facelift. A much needed facelift. Marble for ALL 72 stories (floors) was a great idea – back in the 60s! Canadian weather and climate is not kind to marble. It bends, its chips, it falls off and nearly kills people below on the street. The facelift is much needed and long overdue. Fortunately, the building is being VERY environmentally friendly through this whole process.

Now, because of the facelift, and in order to put in the new GLASS panels (it looks really sleek, beautiful and clean), the old LARGE marble slabs have to come off. This involves a lot of drilling. Lots and lots of loud, penetrating to the brain drilling. It is annoying. I won't deny that fact. You would have to be deaf to not be affected by the noise. But really, why must I suffer through this noise AND peoples' constant comments?

"Holy that is loud!"

"Wow, that is awful!"

"Is it going to be as loud as yesterday, again?!"

"If you think its loud in here, you should hear it out in the corridor!"

Gee, no thanks. I am pretty sure that the sound of drilling doesn't actually change (not talking bout volume) with the passage through a doorway.

It's fucking obvious people! We don't need minute by minute commentary. You think I haven’t noticed the striking of metal to marble?? And no, there is no way around it. Suck it up Buttercup!

Quite frankly, I am in actual awe of the work. Kudos to those men who are currently 46-fucking-stories above the road, and lots and lots of concrete below to break their fall, not too mention other things! (Ouch!) – and HELL! They started on the 72nd floor, HELL, they even went HIGHER than that in order to anchor the damn "Scaffolding Floors" to the building!!! And they started all this in JANUARY!!!! Have you been in Toronto, in January/February?? NOT pleasant.

So how about you all shut your muthafuckin' traps, stop your bitchin' 'cause lets face the facts. If presented with the option to be in here working, or out there in the cold winds, swaying, HIGH off the ground, I feel pretty confident that majority of the population in here would opt for the indoor noise!

And to that, I say, "HA! HA!"

Introducing Mr. Asshole and Mrs. Cuntface (They are not together, thank Jesus)

Today we are Asshole-Free!!! It's even BETTER than being Smoke-Free. Asshole is the kind of person whom thrives off of conflict. And the harsher the better. Pretty sure its how he gets off. Name Calling? A little tingle in his gnads. Yelling? Not quite so soft anymore. All of the above with redden faces, and he's handing you some pointers? He's hard as a muthafucka. Today is Asshole's Birthday. But any day he is away from the office is a "Birthday" for us! Joys of being thrown into a room together with nowhere to escape...

This is also the last week we will be Cuntface-Free. Oh, how I loathe thee. Two-faced, ugly-faced, big ass nose, nosy, loud, bitchy, know-it-all Cuntface. Can you get the vibe of my dislike? Well, she has been on Mat Leave, again, with barely a year in between.

Too fucking bad she feels the need to return. Oh, and lets not forget what happened just before the last time I spoke with her, just before she left…Seemingly sincere and concerned, I began to open up a little bit about my disorder and the first time I was off work. Nope, all a ploy to attack.

Cuntface: Have you thought about getting work somewhere else?

Me: No *Puzzled face*

Cuntface: Oh, well maybe you should. Especially if you can't deal with people, seeing as that’s a large part of our job.

(No, shit, really? I hadn't noticed. *Smack!*)

Me: I would have to deal with people no matter where I work.

Cuntface: Well, maybe you should. You are completely bringing down the whole department.

(Of course, she is speaking for everyone as if they are present, which they were NOT).

This ended with me going to my manager, who in turn went to HR. HR called down Cuntface, she was gone for quite awhile. She returned and we barely exchanged any words – which was MORE than fine with me.

I tense up a little every time I think of the coming Monday, June 20th. What will it be like? She will be even more obnoxious than last time, I am sure, seeing has she now has 2 children.

Gah.

Where the fuck is that hole to crawl into?