Hiatus

I took a longer hiatus than expected. Yes, I know its nothing massive. But I wanted to be pretty consistant on here. Problem was, I had nothing to say. Weird, I know. haha. But life has just been the same shit, every day. Wake up, grudgingly head into work. Somehow make it through work without killing anyone. Head home extremely anxiety riddled. Eat, maybe exercise, sleep. Fucksakes, I hate when thats all my existence is. I have been doing a lot of soul-searching, talking and thinking.

Couple of things that I may touch upon in this post: pot (weed, Mary J, whatever), Mexican Party night, and headaches WITH anxiety.

I have been having a LOT of headaches recently. And heartburn. Mostly because of the tic connected with the anxiety, and I have broken out like a pubescent teen. On my face, and shoulders. Also mostly stress related. I fucking hate it. Its also bringing down my self-esteem. I think I look ugly, so I feel ugly.

I have generally had one view on pot in the past couple of years. I don't see the point in it. REALLY don't see why people would waste so much money on it (yes, I used to smoke cigarettes and paid money for that, but in comparision, its a LOT cheaper than weed), and it was one of the major problems in my extemely failed, and doomed past relationship. Which last 3 years. 3 Fucking Wonderful Years of Hell. So I have, on very few occasions, tried it. Kinda see what the hype is about.
Now first let me just point out that the first time I had ever smoked Weed was unbeknownst by me, and cunningly known by my ex-fucking-liar boyfriend. (I'm not bitter, honest!)

So anyhow, I have tried it a couple times since. I do not have good reactions. Plain and simple. Fuck you morons who says that I am not. Are you in my fucking head? In my fucking body? No. Go sit on an electric pole. So last time I tripped. In my way anyhow. And I hated it. Fuck that. No more. I. Don't. Care. I don't even want to smell it. And don't show up thinking you can smoke sessions with me.

Now, last night was a neighbourhood party, hosted by the most amazing person. She is definitely the hostess with the mostest. There was amazing food. Amazing (homemade!) desserts, and a pinata!!!! That I got to hit! Although this muthafucka was solid like a rock! I ended up breaking some of the things inside it and not the actual pinata! haha Including hitting it off the string and onto the ground!

But it was fun. I did have a good time. And I tihnk I have resolved that I do not wish to smoke again. Although I have been having the cravings (especially at work, just to get away I think). But I dont want to stink again. Or not have money.

Sigh. Hmm, did I actually have enough to fill a post? Interesting.
So I guess I shall go now, enjoy the remnants of the headache. Maybe go to sleep? That would be wise. Got the doctor appointment of Hell tomorrow. Should be an instant morning headache just trying to talk to the fucking 'tard. See if he can finish telling me whatever his thought is within maybe 5 to 10 minutes as oppose to 30 minutes?

Ta-ta until then.