It's been a long time - here's an extra long rant to make up for it.

There are a couple topics that get my blood boiling in an instant. They mainly revolve around animal issues. No, I am not a vegetarian or a vegan, never have claimed to be and do not hide the fact. I like my meat. Anyways, that's besides the point I am about to make.

Two topics of hot debate for me are spaying/neutering your pet or breeding it and extremely uneducated pet ownership.

Topic one. Unless you are about to embark on an 20 to 50 year project of preserving and bettering of a specific breed, GET YOUR GODDAMN PET FIXED! "Oh, but I want her to have at least one litter. I want to see what her puppies would be like!" Go look on animal shelter websites and kijiji.ca. I'm sure any one of those lonely faces could potentially look like an offspring from your mutt, mixed with another mutt. That might have horrible hips, or heart or eyes, ears, etc. Also, you are in a goddamn large city. To say that there are hundreds of pets already looking for homes is an understatement. Every home that would take a puppy from you is a spot of love and comfort lost for another dog. And chances are that Person A that you sold Puppy #2 to will probably abandon it, after discovering "having a puppy is hard work." Or "I just don't have the time" or "they are too expensive" blah blah blah blah…

Also, stop trying to sell your backyard puppies for $1000! What the fuck is wrong with you people!!! Most said expensive dogs aren’t even purebred! Nor come from good lines with good genes and disposition! Also – a "Morkie" is NOT breed of dog. Fucksakes people.

Topic two. To say that I cannot stand ignorant or blatantly oblivious pet ownership is also an understatement.

Example. Person B gets a dog, a husky, about 2 years ago. A dog that he still has no clue about. Knows zero about pet ownership and the like. For anyone that knows anything about dogs, you know that Husky's are one of the most notorious breeds to try and train and house. They are working dogs. Through and through. They always will be. They are strong, thick-headed, stubborn and dominant. They have a lot of energy, physically and mentally, that requires to be burned off constantly. The list can go on and on and on.

Person B pretty much hasn’t trained Husky at all. Has no control over her and its completely obvious. Before it was just annoying. I have NEVER witnessed him walking the dog. They dog walks/runs him. Always. Now, now it’s a danger. A couple of weeks ago after not seeing Person B and Husky for quite some time (they live about 10 houses away), we run into them. Actually he runs into us as we are stopped talking to a nice owner and her dog and are not too far from the front yard of Person B.

Husky does her pulling thing, whipping the leash right out of Person B's hand. Everything is proceeding as it has many, many times prior. Then Husky wants to mount my dog. My dog, she don't put up with bullshit puppies (Yes, I know Husky 2+ but she still runs on a young dog/puppy mentality). My dog is on the ground, probably from trying to play with Husky. Husky has no concept of actual "play" (way to go douche bag Person B). Husky moves herself over my dog, and starts her growling and sideways stare. My dog instantly thinks, "Fuck you, if you think you are going to pull this shit." I immediately see what's happening and what will come next if no one intervenes. Person B all the while? "*Husky*, *Husky*, what are you doing?" (in a monotone voice, quiet). I on the other hand don’t waste any time talking to the dog like she's going to turn and give me a verbal word answer. I get between (carefully and strategically, never try a dangerous stunt if you are unaware of what you are doing) and actually speak to my dog while placing myself as the dominant to Husky. My dog responds to me (of course, because not only have I trained her well, she also trusts me and trusts my judgement). I get them apart. I should mention that my dog is off-lead all this time. She's trained, remember?

So I'm beginning to cold-shoulder Person B and his dumbass dumbfoundedness. (Yes, I know, not a real word), When another neighbourhood doggy arrives on the scene, we have meet Westie (terrier breed, not his actual name) a couple of times and are familiar with him and his owners. After a short period of time, and because Person B doesn’t hold back Husky and allows her to drag him wherever, Husky gets close to the other dog and begins a dog fight. Yup. Even though Husky is at one end of the leash and Person B is still holding (not recalling) the leash in his hand, I step up, grab the leash nearer to Husky and yank backwards, loudly proclaiming "NO!" (lets not forget Husky is pretty much zero-trained), Husky whips her head and growls and makes a movement like she's about to bite me. I do NOT tolerate that behaviour. Period. Another yank, another "NO!" and I am glaring down and not moving ANYWHERE, showing no sign of backing away. Husky (because they ARE smart dogs) recognizes this and stops. BAM! Another crisis averted. Because of me. NOT the owner of the obviously increasingly, aggressive dog.

Me: You HAVE to hold her back! She is trying to attack.

Person B: Ugh… But why is she doing this?

Me: Is she fixed?

Person B: No.

Me: There you go. Female, unfixed Husky. Strong-willed and thick-headed, untrained. Near her home. Those are all ingredients for a recipe for disaster!

Person B is still babbling on about incoherent things. I just tell him to keep her in. Don't let her free range of movement. Then I block him out. Then I have to leave because if I don’t I know I will start to say things that could potentially be mean.

We ran into (briefly) Person B and Husky just Monday evening. I avoided him completely. I know that if conversation were to be initiated it would be trouble. For Person B. I am not a very tolerate person when it comes to dogs and aggression. I make my exit lickity-split!

This is an ongoing story, I am sure. Stay tuned…

Hiatus

I took a longer hiatus than expected. Yes, I know its nothing massive. But I wanted to be pretty consistant on here. Problem was, I had nothing to say. Weird, I know. haha. But life has just been the same shit, every day. Wake up, grudgingly head into work. Somehow make it through work without killing anyone. Head home extremely anxiety riddled. Eat, maybe exercise, sleep. Fucksakes, I hate when thats all my existence is. I have been doing a lot of soul-searching, talking and thinking.

Couple of things that I may touch upon in this post: pot (weed, Mary J, whatever), Mexican Party night, and headaches WITH anxiety.

I have been having a LOT of headaches recently. And heartburn. Mostly because of the tic connected with the anxiety, and I have broken out like a pubescent teen. On my face, and shoulders. Also mostly stress related. I fucking hate it. Its also bringing down my self-esteem. I think I look ugly, so I feel ugly.

I have generally had one view on pot in the past couple of years. I don't see the point in it. REALLY don't see why people would waste so much money on it (yes, I used to smoke cigarettes and paid money for that, but in comparision, its a LOT cheaper than weed), and it was one of the major problems in my extemely failed, and doomed past relationship. Which last 3 years. 3 Fucking Wonderful Years of Hell. So I have, on very few occasions, tried it. Kinda see what the hype is about.
Now first let me just point out that the first time I had ever smoked Weed was unbeknownst by me, and cunningly known by my ex-fucking-liar boyfriend. (I'm not bitter, honest!)

So anyhow, I have tried it a couple times since. I do not have good reactions. Plain and simple. Fuck you morons who says that I am not. Are you in my fucking head? In my fucking body? No. Go sit on an electric pole. So last time I tripped. In my way anyhow. And I hated it. Fuck that. No more. I. Don't. Care. I don't even want to smell it. And don't show up thinking you can smoke sessions with me.

Now, last night was a neighbourhood party, hosted by the most amazing person. She is definitely the hostess with the mostest. There was amazing food. Amazing (homemade!) desserts, and a pinata!!!! That I got to hit! Although this muthafucka was solid like a rock! I ended up breaking some of the things inside it and not the actual pinata! haha Including hitting it off the string and onto the ground!

But it was fun. I did have a good time. And I tihnk I have resolved that I do not wish to smoke again. Although I have been having the cravings (especially at work, just to get away I think). But I dont want to stink again. Or not have money.

Sigh. Hmm, did I actually have enough to fill a post? Interesting.
So I guess I shall go now, enjoy the remnants of the headache. Maybe go to sleep? That would be wise. Got the doctor appointment of Hell tomorrow. Should be an instant morning headache just trying to talk to the fucking 'tard. See if he can finish telling me whatever his thought is within maybe 5 to 10 minutes as oppose to 30 minutes?

Ta-ta until then.

(Unwillingly) Born-Again Virgin

I have pretty much resigned myself to the fact that I will probably never get laid again.

Pretty powerful statement, but for whatever reason, it just doesn't seem to be in the cards. And believe me when I say that it is NOT for a lack of trying. Over a year now, OVER! I feel like decking any of my friends who sidle up to me (or text):

"Man, I totally need to get some. Its been so long"

"Ugh, I am going crazy. Need to get laid"

"I cant believe how long it has been!"

All this in reference to a couple months of dryness. A COUPLE OF MONTHS. How about all of you go fuck yourselves! Oh, and when I respond accordingly, "Yea, boo-fucking-hoo. Call me when its been over a year.", I get the response:

"Aww Hun! How do you do it?"

Like its some fucking choice? An allergic reaction to something that I must sustain from? Are you all fucking retarded? Do you THINK I like it this way??

I have had drunk moments, sweet moments, sensual moments. Any lead to some major whoopee for me? Not a chance. Am I that repulsive? Years ago, I couldn’t turn around without an opportunity hitting me in the face (sometimes a little too literally)…What has happened to me? Is the only way to get some to be completely slutty and have no self-respect for oneself?

*sigh* So, I have been feeling like a Born-Again Virgin. Yup. *shudder*

No. I am not religious in any fashion. I have not suddenly discovered a renewed friendship/following/cult-like adoration in a deity. Far from it, actually. But, with going so long, things MUST have gotten, ahem, tighter? I am probably tighter than a naïve 12 year old schoolgirl! (Think Madeline, sweet little french schoolgirl, always up to some silly antics. I am telling you, this chick probably grew up to be into some sick shit. S&M being mild!)

Hmm. Maybe this will just mean that when I do finally get it, it should feel fucking amazing, right?? Oh, and all you small dickers, you need not apply. I am yearning pretty badly, but not desperately!

Thank you. Have a nice day.

I am going to Hell...

I have multiple mosquito bites, little fuckers.  That's what I get, I guess, from walking through a ravine in warm weather. But I digress. That is not why I am going to Hell.

I have to start with the fact that half a block away, lives a young man, that for all intensive purpose, we shall call him Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint, until I can think up of a much more cleaver name for him! He really never gets the hint/signal/clue that people pop out at him left, right and center! He constantly over steps your threshold of comfort. Constantly.

So today, while my momma and I took Chloe on her evening walk, we stopped at a house just a street over that has a young pup (year old) named Max. We like Max, Chloe likes Max, Max likes us. Max's people like us and we them. Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint shows up with his dog. Not trained dog at that. That's besides the point. Mom and I instantly cringe as he approached. So we stayed and chatted (with Max's parents) and then, when I could see his dog intently focused on Max, I took my chance.
Me: "Oh, guess we outta head on out for our walk!"
Mom: "Ya, we better go..."
Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint: "Ok, we'll (him & his untrained dog) catch up."
Mom: (Under her braethe)"I don't think so!"
And then we proceeded to powerwalk and try our very very very best to make sure he wasn't following us!!! And then we proceeded to talk about him, all through the walk. Even worried we might run into him on our way back! We actually pondered the best route to take to avoid running into him!

It wasn't until we were a few houses away from home when I made the statement. After every corner, every street, we checked, and creeped...oh god.

"We are SO going to Hell!"

And he is waiting for me

:( Yup, I am not perfect. Never have claimed to be. But I do try to be a tolerant person. Have friends of different race, religion, interests! And Mr. Can't-Get-The-Hint is nice, has good intentions, which is probably why I feel the occasionally twinge of guilt. But let's face the facts, I will still try and do the duck-and-hide next time round he comes into view!

So, I hope that seat in Hell is nice and warm for me...

Marble to Glass, Not All that Fast!

The building of my workplace is getting a facelift. A much needed facelift. Marble for ALL 72 stories (floors) was a great idea – back in the 60s! Canadian weather and climate is not kind to marble. It bends, its chips, it falls off and nearly kills people below on the street. The facelift is much needed and long overdue. Fortunately, the building is being VERY environmentally friendly through this whole process.

Now, because of the facelift, and in order to put in the new GLASS panels (it looks really sleek, beautiful and clean), the old LARGE marble slabs have to come off. This involves a lot of drilling. Lots and lots of loud, penetrating to the brain drilling. It is annoying. I won't deny that fact. You would have to be deaf to not be affected by the noise. But really, why must I suffer through this noise AND peoples' constant comments?

"Holy that is loud!"

"Wow, that is awful!"

"Is it going to be as loud as yesterday, again?!"

"If you think its loud in here, you should hear it out in the corridor!"

Gee, no thanks. I am pretty sure that the sound of drilling doesn't actually change (not talking bout volume) with the passage through a doorway.

It's fucking obvious people! We don't need minute by minute commentary. You think I haven’t noticed the striking of metal to marble?? And no, there is no way around it. Suck it up Buttercup!

Quite frankly, I am in actual awe of the work. Kudos to those men who are currently 46-fucking-stories above the road, and lots and lots of concrete below to break their fall, not too mention other things! (Ouch!) – and HELL! They started on the 72nd floor, HELL, they even went HIGHER than that in order to anchor the damn "Scaffolding Floors" to the building!!! And they started all this in JANUARY!!!! Have you been in Toronto, in January/February?? NOT pleasant.

So how about you all shut your muthafuckin' traps, stop your bitchin' 'cause lets face the facts. If presented with the option to be in here working, or out there in the cold winds, swaying, HIGH off the ground, I feel pretty confident that majority of the population in here would opt for the indoor noise!

And to that, I say, "HA! HA!"

Introducing Mr. Asshole and Mrs. Cuntface (They are not together, thank Jesus)

Today we are Asshole-Free!!! It's even BETTER than being Smoke-Free. Asshole is the kind of person whom thrives off of conflict. And the harsher the better. Pretty sure its how he gets off. Name Calling? A little tingle in his gnads. Yelling? Not quite so soft anymore. All of the above with redden faces, and he's handing you some pointers? He's hard as a muthafucka. Today is Asshole's Birthday. But any day he is away from the office is a "Birthday" for us! Joys of being thrown into a room together with nowhere to escape...

This is also the last week we will be Cuntface-Free. Oh, how I loathe thee. Two-faced, ugly-faced, big ass nose, nosy, loud, bitchy, know-it-all Cuntface. Can you get the vibe of my dislike? Well, she has been on Mat Leave, again, with barely a year in between.

Too fucking bad she feels the need to return. Oh, and lets not forget what happened just before the last time I spoke with her, just before she left…Seemingly sincere and concerned, I began to open up a little bit about my disorder and the first time I was off work. Nope, all a ploy to attack.

Cuntface: Have you thought about getting work somewhere else?

Me: No *Puzzled face*

Cuntface: Oh, well maybe you should. Especially if you can't deal with people, seeing as that’s a large part of our job.

(No, shit, really? I hadn't noticed. *Smack!*)

Me: I would have to deal with people no matter where I work.

Cuntface: Well, maybe you should. You are completely bringing down the whole department.

(Of course, she is speaking for everyone as if they are present, which they were NOT).

This ended with me going to my manager, who in turn went to HR. HR called down Cuntface, she was gone for quite awhile. She returned and we barely exchanged any words – which was MORE than fine with me.

I tense up a little every time I think of the coming Monday, June 20th. What will it be like? She will be even more obnoxious than last time, I am sure, seeing has she now has 2 children.

Gah.

Where the fuck is that hole to crawl into?

Disturbing Occurances...

Just after the New Year, I made a discovery that was a mixture of being depressed, grossed out and completely bewildered! My first love, childhood friend, playmate, was getting married. He proposed to his girlfriend over the holidays. Apparently even asked her mother (her father passed away last year, thats how they became closer) for her permission to marry her daughter.

Normally, this would just inflict feelings of sadness, what-ifs and a deep, deep feeling of loss. The disgust and disdain comes from this fact: his beautiful bride-to-be? His first cousin. Yup, that's right.

Now, I am not going to knock the whole "You can't help who you are attracted to…" jazz, because you can't. Honestly. The part that really gets at me though? You DON'T fucking ACT on it! Jesus Christ. Finding someone attractive, pretty, handsome, good looking (you see where this is going)…that’s human nature. First cousins, that is still a little too closely related for me! Yes, I know its not your sibling, but you still share what, 25-50% same genes? Show me where all the dilution is???

6 billion people on this earth. Lets go to your aunt Martha's and see what cousin Peggy-Sue is doing. Just combing her hair? Ah shucks, she prime ripe for picking, aka shove your nasty cock in her dirty cunt.

Wedding is this August *Shudder* - Can't WAIT to see what the kids look like (Complete sarcasm!)… One of my first impressions: Hmm, she knocked up already? (Note: I do not actually know if this is to be fact or not)

He wouldn't even fuck me when I was home 6 years ago. But apparently has no qualm about sticking it to his blood and flesh.

Oh, maybe I should mention our families are related too….6 TIMES REMOVED!!!

*Gag* Rant over. Thank you.

I can't see my "WhooHoo"...

I should start off by saying that I am pretty much shameless. i am the type of person at the BBQ, or party, hell, even at work, who will say things without always thinking first.

So with that said - I cannot see my "WhooHoo". Now, normally, this is a statement from a guy. His "WhooHoo" being his little member. I do not have a ding-a-ling, but nevertheless, my "WhooHoo" is in hiding. Not that I cannot "find" it at all! It's just...harder...and more cushioned.

I do have a plan. I will get my "WhooHoo" back! With eating better. Walking lots. And lots. With weights in my hands. I am determined! I miss my WHOOHOO!!! And I feel pretty confident that she misses me. Not too mention we both haven't seen any real action (sure a little bit of fun, but that was VERY rare), and I want to change that soon too...So we have to be in tip-top shape!!!!!

I'll keep ya posted on how the adventure goes!!!

Peachy Goodness

I am loving this. Living life like it should be lived. I am in the backyard, enjoying a drink (Wild Peach vodka cooler), pooch nearby (sniffing said drink), catching some rays!

I am also ferret-sitting, yup, you heard me! I would post some over-the-top adorable pics if my Blackberry wasn't being such a douche. For some reason, it no longer allows me the option to upload pics from it to my Facebook account. Meaning I will have to attached the Blackberry to the computer via USB cord (which I am sure will suddenly have disappeared from this realm). Pain in the ass.

But I will try for some later, maybe if I can locate said USB cord.


I am also contemplating mowing the grass...again...Yup, it would be MY fourth time. Bloody shit grows faster than the hairs under my armpits! I know, I know, not such a worldly description. Suck it up.

I am trying to remain all Zen and 'Meh' like, seeing as my original plans for the weekend went down the crapper. C'est la vie, non? Not much I can do against a car that won't start. Chloe is laying in the beautiful, green grass, making me realize that yes, it has grown quite a bit since I mowed it last - umm - Monday? No, Tuesday? Memory is MIA. Waiting for that next sip of alcohol.

And to that - I bid you ado - G'day!

The longing...it hurts...

Wanting what one cannot have – am internal battle of epic proportions and one that just about every human being experiences, at least once in his or her life.

It's that tingly feeling in the "pit of your stomach". Actually, its felt even lower than your stomach (most people actually do no realize how high up their stomach is).

The daydreams, of the "could be's…", the "maybes …" and of course the "what ifs…".

And until those daydreams are fulfilled, or otherwise forgotten about, one subjects themselves continuously to this "self-torture".

*sigh*

Under other news, went for a nice, unexpectantly loooooong walk last night. With 5lb weights in each hand. Was not so fun. But feels good. Like I am actually trying.

I want to date.

That is all for now.

Just because it is so awesome!

Locked out - true story

I have to start with first saying that I live in a three apartment house. It is 2-storeys, apartment above (friends M & V live there), main level is us and basement apartment has three people.

Now, I really do not usually forget my keys. I can probably count on one hand the number of times I have locked myself out of my house. But I used a new purse (thanks M!) on the weekend and when transferring things back to my regular work/day purse, I somehow over looked my keys, handy little things that they are.

So, today, Monday (of course it has to be the Monday), May 30th, 2011, I return home to realize that I do not have my keys. Chloe sees me from the window and as I come to the front door, she, persumably, ambles her way to the kitchen doorway with PuPPy, waiting for my entrance (It never came, poor thing had to come back to the window to see what was wrong...). Normally, M is home by now. Of course, no car in the driveway. So I call her.

Turns out she is walking home from Sheppard Avenue West and Allen Road. Believe me, this is quite a distance to walk, and today was nice and toasty. Poor thing was dying. Anyhow, she had dropped off her car at the mechanics. When I said I couldn't get in, she laughed. "Yea, guess what, I left my house keys in the car. The car I just left at the mechanics." Well, this was turning out to be a wonderful afternoon.

V was due home, soon. But there was a wait. Thankfully, I could get into the foyer, where I could relax in air conditioning. Chloe whined. Damn, I knew I should have taught her how to unlock doors! M walked through the door seconds before V showed up. He walks in, takes in the scene, turns to me, "You too?! No keys?" *Shakes head* We can only just laugh.

So, V lets me in, crisis averted. All things considered, it could have been worst. Could have been raining, storming, freezing, stuck outside the foyer, and unable to reach anyone for more than 30 minutes. At the very least, I luckily did not have a bathroom emergency.

Now THAT would have been a crisis.

Where are my keys now? Safely tucked into my purse.

Where, oh, where did my little bottle go...

The missing 800mL – with red (raspberry) flavoured water – bottle. Had it in my hands just after 3am Sunday morning (Saturday night? When does one stop being and the other start when referencing?), then – nothing. To be fair, the importance of its missing in action should be written from the beginning.

It all started with me picking up those individual flavour packets you can buy to put in your bottles of water to give it some taste. One flavour being raspberry, very yum. So I took an 800mL water bottle and created my red liquid fever. It was surprisingly very tasty.

Now, I had plans to spend the evening with Scribe. She was due around 3pm, and when she arrived I just left my yummy concoction on my grooming table (more about that later), next to the door. I left and went out and about with my Scribe.

Description of the afternoon/evening/night:

1. Scribe came and picked me up around 3pm. She had brought me an Iced Cap! (She loves me). We proceeded back to her place, with a pit stop of Rotten Ronnie's along the way. She was expecting a repairman to show (cable/internet – sucks when you don't have either!), and someone was suppose to show up to see a room that Scribe is renting out of her house. (Let's just say that the repairman showed, prospect roomie a no-show. Not impressed as she continually called over the past couple days and kept Scribe waiting and wondering. Saturday evening, we were not holding our breathe!)

2. Scribe paints. She is really good too. Guess art classes do pay off! We have talked about painting together for well over a year now and Saturday afternoon was finally going to happen! She had a recycled canvas for me to use (and keep), and I decided I wanted to keep with my journey to being and living a Zen lifestyle. I chose circles because they are not harsh with straight lines or corners and I chose blues and greens (with a touch of lavender purple) to promote a happy, calm, serene kind of feel. It turned out pretty good actually J

3. Chloe (my golden retriever) needed new food dishes (ants took over the last one) and I was looking to getting something that was more raised off the ground anyhow. PetSmart closes at 9pm Saturday nights, so just after 8pm, off we went! I found a dish set that was raised off the ground and was on sale ($29.99 regular, on sale for $20.99!!) Right next door (literally, they share a wall) was a Michael's…yup, the craft store. We were in heaven. But we literally had only minutes as we spent a lot of time in PetSmart playing with the fuzzy, furry kittens! Canvases were on sale for 50% off, Scribe was looking for a new one, a large one, and decided to grab one (guessing at 50% off the price would be roughly $10-$12 or so?) and then the announcement came over the PA announcing the store would be closing in 2 minutes. Scribe was just walking up to the cash as I made an excellent discovery in the clearance bin (I LOVE those things!!!) – a TWO canvas bundle for $3.75….$3.75!!!!!! For TWO!!!! The catch? The top canvas had the slightest scratch (easily covered when painted). We nabbed it!

4. Back at Scribe's house, we changed and got ready to go out. Our poison? Karaoke! Haven't done that in God knows when! I was pretty nervous to get up to sing too, but we sang Sweet Dreams by the Eurhythmics (LOVE that song), and when the music started, the whole bar went up in applauses. We killed it! (In a good way) – we actually make a pretty good singing pair J Now, I should mention that I bought myself one single rum & coke, 2 double rum & cokes, Scribe bought me a single and a very nice man, D we shall call him, bought me 2 J I was toasty. Ah, let's face it, I could still walk, but I was definitely drunk! I am a very happy, chatty drunk though J So it was all good.

5. Scribe drove me home. I had to pee like I was a fire hose. It was pretty bad! But anyways, now we are back to the time of the Water Bottle Mystery. It's approximately 3 o'clock in the morning. Scribe leaves (after a panicked rush back outside on my behalf to grab my painting and Chloe's new food dishes that I had left in the backseat of her car). I go into the house, I grab the drink off of my grooming table (where I had left it) and took a sip. I conclude it needs more water. Water added I proceed to… where, bedroom? Living room? I can't recall the next day, or now for that matter. Whatever the case, I leave it somewhere and forget about it. The next morning, though, I am remembering everything I have just typed, except for the location. A thorough search produces nothing. Help from my cousin, nothing. Its literally as if it has vanished into thin air. "But it couldn't have," I conclude, "How does a big ass water bottle with red water in it just go missing?"

To this moment, the case is still open. Very open. Its not even my water bottle! But I am determined to be reunited with it. As for the time being? Guess I shall purchase a new one, which I am sure that as soon as the purchase is complete, the missing Water Bottle will resurface, back from whatever dimension sucked it in…

The Zen in the fire?

Living a Zen lifestyle. if you have known me for awhile now, you are probably laughing so hard snot is coming out of your nose. Yup, Me - the over-stressed, super-easy-to-anger-reaction, fuck-off-leave-me-alone, over-personalizing, overly sensitive person. But here I am, slowly (very slowly) changing my life and the way I have been living it.

I do NOT take mental health lightly. Having broke down at least three major times, couple trips to emerg of an hospital and many medications later, I am finally starting to see myself leveling off. Good, bout friggin' time! So many mental health classes/groups and a stint through Anger Management, I am slowly changing the way I behave and react to things. Especially things that are completely out of my control, yet would have set me off regardless. I am more determined to live life for me, and leaving the small stuff aside and behind (good riddance I say!).

No, I do not have candles lit all around my room, or the fountain going (although I do have one of those, thanks mom, from Christmas) or wake up to meditate or do yoga.

I am simply adjusting my attitude. Perceiving the world in a different light, slowing down and taking a breathe. It is slow coming, but it is coming, and that is the point.

So, while I will be posting of my tales and adventures (don't get too excited, I don’t do anything too exciting, such as storm-chasing (morons)), this will hopefully document my path to complete Zen. Living free of my personal prison, and enjoying life and what it has to offer.

Enjoy.